Sunday, November 4, 2007

The Greatest Love of All

Went to a Gold Star ceremony today with my local Blue Star Mothers group honoring fallen heroes from the western part our state. It was my first and it was very humbling, to say the least. BG went with me since Sgt. had drill and did really well. Most of the BSMs in my state are nice. Some have personalities that are waaay less than desirable but we manage. One of the mothers honored lost her son in Vietnam. The most recent was killed in July. The Patriot Guard Riders were there as escorts for us and they are one of the the most incredible groups I have ever had the honor of working with. We swapped stories, business cards, hugs and tears. BG had to sit on my lap during the service and during one really emotional time for me, she told me what I tell her when she's upset, "Hold me tight and love me much. It will be okay." BG will be 3 in January and I swear she holds more wisdom than a lot of grown ups I know. Then she followed up with, "Here's a tissue. Wipe it up." She DOES listen. Woo hoo!

About 25 miles or so into my trip, I got a call from a BSM telling me that the hotel had my purse! Apparently in all the rushing and scrambling this morning I left it but the front desk girl knew we were all together as we had been there all weekend. So, I turned around to go back to get it. Of course, the money is gone...it was about $130 and is what BG knows as my "soldier money" because we use it for shipping packages, buying goodies, etc. I was pissed off because I know in my heart of hearts it was a member of the girl's soccer team huddling in the lobby who took it; they were the only ones there when we left and the front desk girl said we were only gone about 10 min when they brought it up to the counter. My purse, wallet, etc. are worth more than the money gone but principal of it chaps me. But, it was my stupidity and I've quit kicking myself. All else is okay and we went on our way. Since I was upset, I called my mom and told her about the "soldier money" and when I hung up BG asked me what happened to soldier money and I told her, as best I could to a 3 yr. old, that someone took it. She asked could we get more and I laughed and told her yes. Then the next words out of her mouth floored me. "It's okay mommy. I help you get more." I do some contract work from home and when Sgt. came home from drill, BG met him at the door and when he asked where I was she told him, "Shhh. Be quiet daddy. Mommy making soldier money and I helping. Come see." She showed him the pictures she had been coloring while I worked.

I love my kid. I love my kid more than the next breath I'll take. I waited a long time to be a mom and worked my tushie off to become one. She was 13 months old when we adopted her and was functioning on about a 8 month old level. I've watched her transform into the most amazing child and she never ceases to amaze me. Now, we have our moments...the 2s aren't gone and the 3s are settling in fast. But she has learned compassion. I know she doesn't comprehend it but two times when I needed some love the most, my almost 3 year old gave it to me. It feels good. No, it feels GREAT. Every night I tell her I promise to be a better mommy tomorrow than I was today. Every night she tells me she loves me bunches and turns her hands back to back to show me "bunches."

On the way to dinner, Sgt. told me what we thought was our "pre-alert" call was in fact our second notice. The first was in April. "Word" around the block is get it together...could be tomorrow could be another several months. His 1SG was heavily persuaded to sign his re-enlistment package because his contract will be up during the deployment. Sgt. wouldn't tell me when that was. Too tired to beat it out of him tonite :)

I'm tired tonight and my eyes are speaking volumes as to just how much. However, I got a dose of the greatest love of all...BG reminds me that there is glimmer and hope in almost everything and that no matter how many times you open that empty box, there is something new and exciting just waiting for you. Embrace it.

Good night my friends. Rest well.

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