It's been a pair of weeks from hell. Last Monday it started off with me walking out of the house with BG and her cup pulling the door closed behind me. The problem? My keys were on the other side of the door. Sgt. was working 2 hours away and we don't trust our neighborhood to leave a key as these are the neighbors who stole food from our freezer on the back porch. (I swear it's not as ghetto as it sounds) I started sleuthing around and found one window the lock wasn't 100% locked and started working to get it open so I could climb in. As I tried to raise the window, the window came out of the track. Sweet craftsmanship we have on our home. (Our builder didn't even build his own house and is now doing landscaping). Got to work late and my assistant was out sick for 2 days. I started a software conversion the week before and spent every day on the phone with tech support trying to get it to work. Still won't work like it's supposed to and next week will be spent setting up a new server in my office to run this beastly software. Valentine's day came and went along with a manic episode of PMS and tears to flood the state. This week Sgt. has been sick, I've been sick and anything that has and can go wrong has. This morning a guy pulled up next to me at a stop light and told me, "Ma'am. Ma'am. You're dragging a purse on the other side of your car." Sh*t. I pull into a parking lot and sure enough, my purse had apparently fallen out of the car, I closed the handles in the door and it has a severe case of road rash. I must have passed 100 cars from the time I left the house this morning until this guy got the highlight of his day and was gracious enough to tell me. Nothing fell out. Nothing gone. One more purse for the handbag graveyard. I got to work this morning and found out I forgot to order some components on Wednesday and the plant will run out today. We just happen to have our vendor rep coming for a visit and he is bringing some. I must admit when I heard over the radio system a truck that had been loaded this morning pulled off the dock without his load locked and pulled out of our yard with the doors open, I secretly hoped his load would shift so somebody else could have a bad day.
I normally don't like Fridays because they are two days closer to Monday so Wednesdays are my days of choice as they are two days from the weekend. However, over the past few weeks, I've been longing for them. It's not pessimistic, it's my coping mechanism.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Hmmmm
Sgt. needed a prescription picked up so BG and I went through the drive thru at the pharmacy and BG pipes in from the back seat, "Fries, peease!" When I told her we don't get fries from this place she said, "Okay, ashbowns" (which is her word for hashbrowns) Aye.
Friday, February 9, 2007
The Best of Both Worlds
Sometimes I think I have the best of both worlds being a prior active duty/current reserve wife and a civilian wife. Sometimes I think it gives me a well-rounded perspective as I've been on both sides of the fence. Other times I wonder.
Sgt. and I married while he was active duty Marine Corps, but he only had 6 months left and all floats, over seas duty stations, etc. were done with so there was nothing except base life to experience and even that was limited as I was in college and had an apartment so he moved to where I lived, which was about an hour away from base. Even during the time we dated, he never went anywhere other than a few nights in the field. We rarely went to base for anything but our circle of friends was great. A lot of his buddies dated my friends so we were a close knit family. Slowly everyone started to get out, with the exception of a few who chose to go career, and started moving away. No one stayed in our state except for us. It was hard to say good bye but, our circle grew again in our civilian life. While we still hear from some of his buddies that we haven't seen since 1997, I often miss that bond. It's like no other.
In October 2002 Sgt. joined the Navy reserves (with his MOS he would be able to drill closer to home vs. three hours away with the Marine Corps). Everyone thought he was crazy but I didn't. I was proud he wanted to serve again. We had talked about it several times during his IRR period but he finally did it. I tend to have high hopes and grand expectations; I guess, in a sense, I want to see the best in everything. Now, I'm not a Pollyanna who believes in blue skies and picket fences all the time but I do like to give the benefit of the doubt. One of the things I truly try to live by is to go into situations with an open mind and good spirit and I believe I'll come out for the better. Usually I'm right. I had the notion that the reserve wives would be the same as the active duty wives. Let me back up a bit...we live in the town where I graduated high school and the friends we have here are friends from my past that we reincorporated with so he never really had any of "his own" friends here. That being said, I thought it would be a great opportunity for him to meet some guys who shared the same interests, etc. and I would befriend the wives, just like the old days. Not.true.at.all. While we made friends, none were like I was expecting or, I guess I should say, hoping for. Most everyone was prior service and it was all about "my dog is bigger than your dog" they were Navy. We were Marines. I can't tell you the number of times I heard the joke that Marine stand for My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment. It was enough to make it real old, real fast.
On December 16, 2004, Sgt. got the call he was being recalled for active duty service. We initially thought it was a voluntary recall and had "the talk" and he said he needed to go. I said I supported him, call back. He did and 2 months later he left for Iraq. Everyone at his reserve center shook his hand, gave atta-boys and said "Tell the Wife to call us if she needs anything. Anything at all." Normally I wouldn't call anyone for anything, it's just the kind of person I am. The first thing I had to do was get an active duty I.D. card. I called for the appointment, which was set for ONE MONTH OUT. She only does ID cards one day a month from 8:00 - 8:50 a.m. No joke. Once all that was done, Sgt's pay was messed up. Surprise. So, I called the only point of contact I had, his reserve center. After getting nowhere fast, I went up there to talk face to face and was told that I needed to contact the Ombudsman but they couldn't tell me who it was and told me it was up to me to figure it out. (Sgt. was deployed with a unit from a different state.) After crying, I called the base they were training at and just dialed a random number because I didn't know what the right number would be and got someone in the maintenance department who didn't blow me off. He put me on hold and found out who I needed to talk to, gave me name, number, extension and a backup person in case the main contact wasn't available. WOW. So much different than at our reserve center. I would say it's the difference in active duty vs. reserve, and I guess it is to a point. After all, the bitchy PO1 was active duty but was used to dealing with reserve issues from their center and since Sgt. wasn't there anymore, he wasn't her problem, nor was I. I know, it's dragging on. So, we'll fast forward. I stumbled across a wife whose husband just happened to be in the unit Sgt. was assigned to. While she and I were becoming friends, so were they. Amazing. They live 5-1/2 hours from us and the husbands were half a world away. "W" was great. We emailed. We talked. I even went to meet her for my birthday that year so I wouldn't have to be alone. I finally had a wife who was like me. A wife whose husband was proud to serve and who was proud of him. A wife like the friends we had before. But she was so far away. His atta-boy friends magically disappeared shortly after he left. No one called anymore or emailed just to say hi. I did get a sympathy invite to one kid's birthday party and how do I know it was a sympathy invite? The mom told me so. It was sad. The people we ate dinners with on weekends, celebrated holidays with all turned away during what was the most trying times of my life, and Sgt's. So, for the 214 days he was in country, I lived my life as my own with the one wife whose husband was serving with Sgt. and another wife who lived in the northeast, her husband was also Navy but assigned to a terror boat team. Both were women that I needed and longed for in my life. My civilian friends are great but they just don't understand the dynamic of the military and it's not their fault. They just simply haven't experienced it. Sometimes you just gotta have someone on your side who can walk in your shoes, or carry you when you can't walk anymore.
When Sgt. returned home, I set up a dinner for him and sent out invites to his whole reserve center. About 15 came along with a guy who lived a few hours away he worked with in Iraq. Those were the people who gave him a handshake and told him, "job well done." Those who didn't even send an email or call to say hello? Many of them left in January for various deployments. I hope they will understand what their wives will need and I hope they are able to find it. I doubt they will ever think back to me and tell themselves they should have reacted differently. It brought to light those who knew us and those who knew us best...both sides of us. The military side and the civilian side.
I'm the wife who hugs soldiers in the airports when I'm traveling and tell them thank you. I'm the wife who gives the wife at the gym with the bumper sticker that reads, "the other half of my heart is in ____" a smile and lets her know I understand. I'm the wife who boxed up enough care packages and sent off that I should have been on the post office payroll. I'm the wife who rallies for our troops. I'm the wife who sends notes to friends deployed. I'm the wife who still checks in on the hand full of other wives I met during our deployment, who all live at least 5 hours away with the exception of one. I'm the wife I wanted to meet. I'm the wife I wanted to be friends with. I'm the wife I needed for support while Sgt. was gone. I'm also the wife who craves for someone in my life to be like me.
Now Sgt. is with a new unit since the end of last summer. I went to the unit Christmas party and only a handful of people even made eye contact. One is a guy I've blogged about before, the single dad whose wife is a crackhead with custody of his three kids. One was a new grandfather who wanted his 6 week old grandson to smile at BG. One was the Captain. Many of the wives have been through a deployment with them to Iraq and then turned around and then reactivated for a domestic job. None of them spoke. None of them looked at me. None of them acted like they cared a bit.
I care. Maybe I care too much. Support is something I try hard to give because I know what it's like not to get it. I went to a meeting last month and met with a bunch of moms whose kids are deployed. I learned that there is no stronger group of women who supports their kids more than military moms. I'm the only wife in this group but Sgt's mom volunteers for a chapter in her state and there are wives in hers and they have pride and aren't afraid to show it. I guess it's the downside of living in a non-military town (Sgt's mom lives in a military town).
I miss a lot about military life. I miss the bonds, the kinship and the "just knowing" that develops. I like living the civilian life because there are no moves, no major pay issues and I only have to make sure uniforms are clean for one weekend a month and three weeks a year.
Is it really the best of both worlds? Does my experience really give me a well-rounded perspective? I think it does on one level but it also leaves an empty spot in my heart that only milspouses can fill.
Sgt. and I married while he was active duty Marine Corps, but he only had 6 months left and all floats, over seas duty stations, etc. were done with so there was nothing except base life to experience and even that was limited as I was in college and had an apartment so he moved to where I lived, which was about an hour away from base. Even during the time we dated, he never went anywhere other than a few nights in the field. We rarely went to base for anything but our circle of friends was great. A lot of his buddies dated my friends so we were a close knit family. Slowly everyone started to get out, with the exception of a few who chose to go career, and started moving away. No one stayed in our state except for us. It was hard to say good bye but, our circle grew again in our civilian life. While we still hear from some of his buddies that we haven't seen since 1997, I often miss that bond. It's like no other.
In October 2002 Sgt. joined the Navy reserves (with his MOS he would be able to drill closer to home vs. three hours away with the Marine Corps). Everyone thought he was crazy but I didn't. I was proud he wanted to serve again. We had talked about it several times during his IRR period but he finally did it. I tend to have high hopes and grand expectations; I guess, in a sense, I want to see the best in everything. Now, I'm not a Pollyanna who believes in blue skies and picket fences all the time but I do like to give the benefit of the doubt. One of the things I truly try to live by is to go into situations with an open mind and good spirit and I believe I'll come out for the better. Usually I'm right. I had the notion that the reserve wives would be the same as the active duty wives. Let me back up a bit...we live in the town where I graduated high school and the friends we have here are friends from my past that we reincorporated with so he never really had any of "his own" friends here. That being said, I thought it would be a great opportunity for him to meet some guys who shared the same interests, etc. and I would befriend the wives, just like the old days. Not.true.at.all. While we made friends, none were like I was expecting or, I guess I should say, hoping for. Most everyone was prior service and it was all about "my dog is bigger than your dog" they were Navy. We were Marines. I can't tell you the number of times I heard the joke that Marine stand for My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment. It was enough to make it real old, real fast.
On December 16, 2004, Sgt. got the call he was being recalled for active duty service. We initially thought it was a voluntary recall and had "the talk" and he said he needed to go. I said I supported him, call back. He did and 2 months later he left for Iraq. Everyone at his reserve center shook his hand, gave atta-boys and said "Tell the Wife to call us if she needs anything. Anything at all." Normally I wouldn't call anyone for anything, it's just the kind of person I am. The first thing I had to do was get an active duty I.D. card. I called for the appointment, which was set for ONE MONTH OUT. She only does ID cards one day a month from 8:00 - 8:50 a.m. No joke. Once all that was done, Sgt's pay was messed up. Surprise. So, I called the only point of contact I had, his reserve center. After getting nowhere fast, I went up there to talk face to face and was told that I needed to contact the Ombudsman but they couldn't tell me who it was and told me it was up to me to figure it out. (Sgt. was deployed with a unit from a different state.) After crying, I called the base they were training at and just dialed a random number because I didn't know what the right number would be and got someone in the maintenance department who didn't blow me off. He put me on hold and found out who I needed to talk to, gave me name, number, extension and a backup person in case the main contact wasn't available. WOW. So much different than at our reserve center. I would say it's the difference in active duty vs. reserve, and I guess it is to a point. After all, the bitchy PO1 was active duty but was used to dealing with reserve issues from their center and since Sgt. wasn't there anymore, he wasn't her problem, nor was I. I know, it's dragging on. So, we'll fast forward. I stumbled across a wife whose husband just happened to be in the unit Sgt. was assigned to. While she and I were becoming friends, so were they. Amazing. They live 5-1/2 hours from us and the husbands were half a world away. "W" was great. We emailed. We talked. I even went to meet her for my birthday that year so I wouldn't have to be alone. I finally had a wife who was like me. A wife whose husband was proud to serve and who was proud of him. A wife like the friends we had before. But she was so far away. His atta-boy friends magically disappeared shortly after he left. No one called anymore or emailed just to say hi. I did get a sympathy invite to one kid's birthday party and how do I know it was a sympathy invite? The mom told me so. It was sad. The people we ate dinners with on weekends, celebrated holidays with all turned away during what was the most trying times of my life, and Sgt's. So, for the 214 days he was in country, I lived my life as my own with the one wife whose husband was serving with Sgt. and another wife who lived in the northeast, her husband was also Navy but assigned to a terror boat team. Both were women that I needed and longed for in my life. My civilian friends are great but they just don't understand the dynamic of the military and it's not their fault. They just simply haven't experienced it. Sometimes you just gotta have someone on your side who can walk in your shoes, or carry you when you can't walk anymore.
When Sgt. returned home, I set up a dinner for him and sent out invites to his whole reserve center. About 15 came along with a guy who lived a few hours away he worked with in Iraq. Those were the people who gave him a handshake and told him, "job well done." Those who didn't even send an email or call to say hello? Many of them left in January for various deployments. I hope they will understand what their wives will need and I hope they are able to find it. I doubt they will ever think back to me and tell themselves they should have reacted differently. It brought to light those who knew us and those who knew us best...both sides of us. The military side and the civilian side.
I'm the wife who hugs soldiers in the airports when I'm traveling and tell them thank you. I'm the wife who gives the wife at the gym with the bumper sticker that reads, "the other half of my heart is in ____" a smile and lets her know I understand. I'm the wife who boxed up enough care packages and sent off that I should have been on the post office payroll. I'm the wife who rallies for our troops. I'm the wife who sends notes to friends deployed. I'm the wife who still checks in on the hand full of other wives I met during our deployment, who all live at least 5 hours away with the exception of one. I'm the wife I wanted to meet. I'm the wife I wanted to be friends with. I'm the wife I needed for support while Sgt. was gone. I'm also the wife who craves for someone in my life to be like me.
Now Sgt. is with a new unit since the end of last summer. I went to the unit Christmas party and only a handful of people even made eye contact. One is a guy I've blogged about before, the single dad whose wife is a crackhead with custody of his three kids. One was a new grandfather who wanted his 6 week old grandson to smile at BG. One was the Captain. Many of the wives have been through a deployment with them to Iraq and then turned around and then reactivated for a domestic job. None of them spoke. None of them looked at me. None of them acted like they cared a bit.
I care. Maybe I care too much. Support is something I try hard to give because I know what it's like not to get it. I went to a meeting last month and met with a bunch of moms whose kids are deployed. I learned that there is no stronger group of women who supports their kids more than military moms. I'm the only wife in this group but Sgt's mom volunteers for a chapter in her state and there are wives in hers and they have pride and aren't afraid to show it. I guess it's the downside of living in a non-military town (Sgt's mom lives in a military town).
I miss a lot about military life. I miss the bonds, the kinship and the "just knowing" that develops. I like living the civilian life because there are no moves, no major pay issues and I only have to make sure uniforms are clean for one weekend a month and three weeks a year.
Is it really the best of both worlds? Does my experience really give me a well-rounded perspective? I think it does on one level but it also leaves an empty spot in my heart that only milspouses can fill.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
He who sweats the most will most likely fail
Some of the hats I wear on any given day at work include:
Payroll administrator
Benefits coordinator
Purchasing agent
Logistics/shipping
Small item receiving
Human resources
Accounts receivable
Accounts payable - part time
Go-to gal
Crap-cleaner-upper
Mess-straightener-outer
Call screener
and Yell-at-me-because-you're-pissed-at-someone-else girl
Right now I'm wearing the beautifully decorated Human Resources hat.
With it comes a lovely pair of golden she-balls that will induce
severe sweating and panicking for most of the employees in the plant.
For several weeks, in addition to the rest of my daily grind, I've
been working on a new employee manual and it's done.
In the past, our company has not done pre-employment drug screening
but that is all about to change. Everyone has signed our drug and
alcohol policy, which includes random drug testing so guess what's
coming up? You guessed it! I guess I might as well get new hire
packets done because I'm guessing we're going to lose quite a few
peeps.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
All things borrowed...
I'm borrowing this post...I was over at HH6's blog reading this post and I couldn't help but giggle. Baby Girl is only two but and can't shout out with the "I needs...", per say. I hear "Mommy" so many times a day that sometimes I wish I could change my name. Sgt. doesn't tell me that he needs something until it's the last hour of the last day and there are no options open. I've worked for ten years trying to change that but I swear it's embedded in the Y chromosome.
The first thing that hit home was missing socks. I'd love to hear the answer to the age old question but I just don't think anyone really, really knows. When BG was first home I used to pin her socks together so we'd always have a pair but then sometimes the pins would rust and left marks. I then used a lingerie bag to put them in but to be quite honest, I think it's easier to buy new socks than it is to keep up with the existing ones, at least at the Sgt. L household. BG probably has 30 pair of socks with less than half of them having mates. Long ago I started trying to buy all socks that matched so there would be no confusion as to what its mate should look like. The only problem with that is manufacturers change it just enough they don't look alike when you buy more and Heaven help Sgt. if he tries to match socks. I can't tell you the number of days I've had one black and one blue until I see it under the flourescent lighting in my office. My assistant pointed it out one day and the only thing I could think of was that I have another pair just like them at home.
What also hit home was about needing money for school. While BG is only two, she goes to a private school that goes from daycare through 12th grade. When she first started going to this school, she was in the baby class because we started after the school year ended and they lumped all little, little kids together. In August she moved up to the beginning toddler class and we got a notice for school pictures. Yes, even the babies and toddlers are in the yearbook. In the same month we got the stuff for a magazine drive. BG sold 9 magazines, half of which come to our house. Her prize: 2 suckers. She's the only one in her class who sold any at all because I thought it was the thing to do. In September they sold doughnuts. I did buy a dozen for my office because we love to live on the sugar edge. October was another fundraiser selling miscellaneous stuff. November they pushed for donations for Operation Christmas Child, which we do through our church, and had Christmas pictures plus selling candy bars. December they were pimping doughnuts again to raise money for a bonus for the teachers and, again, I bought a dozen for my office. Aside from the fundraiser for the teacher bonuses, the rest of the fundraisers went to the bus fund. Here's the thing: I pay her tuition/fees; she doesn't attend on charity. I can't keep supporting the bus thing because we live 25 miles from her school and they don't go that way. While I understand them being private, my purse clinches tight every time a new month rolls around. Sgt. and I are better off making a donation to the school/church so we can at least have a tax deduction. My hips and thighs will be better off, too.
The first thing that hit home was missing socks. I'd love to hear the answer to the age old question but I just don't think anyone really, really knows. When BG was first home I used to pin her socks together so we'd always have a pair but then sometimes the pins would rust and left marks. I then used a lingerie bag to put them in but to be quite honest, I think it's easier to buy new socks than it is to keep up with the existing ones, at least at the Sgt. L household. BG probably has 30 pair of socks with less than half of them having mates. Long ago I started trying to buy all socks that matched so there would be no confusion as to what its mate should look like. The only problem with that is manufacturers change it just enough they don't look alike when you buy more and Heaven help Sgt. if he tries to match socks. I can't tell you the number of days I've had one black and one blue until I see it under the flourescent lighting in my office. My assistant pointed it out one day and the only thing I could think of was that I have another pair just like them at home.
What also hit home was about needing money for school. While BG is only two, she goes to a private school that goes from daycare through 12th grade. When she first started going to this school, she was in the baby class because we started after the school year ended and they lumped all little, little kids together. In August she moved up to the beginning toddler class and we got a notice for school pictures. Yes, even the babies and toddlers are in the yearbook. In the same month we got the stuff for a magazine drive. BG sold 9 magazines, half of which come to our house. Her prize: 2 suckers. She's the only one in her class who sold any at all because I thought it was the thing to do. In September they sold doughnuts. I did buy a dozen for my office because we love to live on the sugar edge. October was another fundraiser selling miscellaneous stuff. November they pushed for donations for Operation Christmas Child, which we do through our church, and had Christmas pictures plus selling candy bars. December they were pimping doughnuts again to raise money for a bonus for the teachers and, again, I bought a dozen for my office. Aside from the fundraiser for the teacher bonuses, the rest of the fundraisers went to the bus fund. Here's the thing: I pay her tuition/fees; she doesn't attend on charity. I can't keep supporting the bus thing because we live 25 miles from her school and they don't go that way. While I understand them being private, my purse clinches tight every time a new month rolls around. Sgt. and I are better off making a donation to the school/church so we can at least have a tax deduction. My hips and thighs will be better off, too.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Tidbits about Me
1. I always put my left shoe on first but take my right one off first. Same with my pants.
2. The cans in my pantry are by color and type with one shelf for miscellaneous stuff.
3. All the hangers in our house are white plastic.
4. My sock drawer has been in the same location my entire life and it shook me up when Sgt. moved it.(upper right drawer of dresser and he moved it to middle left).
5. When we go to the big mall, we always park at the same store because there's always a lot of parking available and we go through the store into the mall and to the right. The last time we went, Sgt. wanted to start on the left side and it took a LONG time for me to adjust to it. (It loops around and it's 3 miles inside).
6. I love hot fudge brownie sundaes, sans the nuts.
7. I love cheese and most things cheese.
8. I don't like milk but I have to have it in my cereal but I drain the spoon for every bite.
9. I'm hooked on Cheez-Its right now.
10. I don't like tomatoes in their raw form. I will eat them in soups, chili, spaghetti sauce, etc. but not raw. I wish I did like them. In the south everyone eats tomato sandwiches in the summer and I've always wanted to but...
11. I don't like mayonnaise, which would make it hard to have the tomato sandwich. I will eat it in potato salad and the such but never on a sandwich.
12. My career is no where near what my college degree is in.
13. I'm an insomniac.
14. Weight Watchers worked for me but I'm a drop out. I've been starting over on Monday for almost 6 months now.
15. I had my tonsils out in May '06 to help with throat infections and sinus surgery so I could breath. Since then I've had 8 throat illnesses and I still can't breathe. Plus, the doctor cut my
epiglottis in half so I can't say "L" words without sounding like I have a speech impediment.
16. I own 8 pair of black pants. Oprah says they're slimming so I figure if I can't be slim, I might as well give the illusion of it.
17. I love 80s music. B0n J0vi rocks! I love the feather bangs and his too-tight pants.
18. I'm a t-shirt ho and have one from just about everywhere I've been plus the one from Iraq Sgt. bought me.
19. I can't stand it when you tell someone thank you and they reply with "Uh, huh" instead of "you're welcome."
20. I only eat red Popsicles and jello. I used to only eat red Starburst and suckers but I will eat all colors of Starburst and venture out for an apple Bl0w P0p.
21. I have no tattoos.
22. I love cookbooks and read them cover to cover like most people read a novel.
23. I'm in the process of writing a cookbook as a fundraiser with part of the proceeds going to support our troops through various organizations. Check back for details.
24. I love the beach even though I'm so pale I could glow in the dark. I went to college in a beach town and we used to schedule our classes around the sun. Ever since college I wear minimum of SPF30 and a hat. I don't have any wrinkles.
25. I decorate cakes.
26. I like fine point pens and prefer black ink over blue.
27. Being a mom is the greatest experience of my life.
28. When I eat a sandwich, the mustard has to be in a clockwise swirl starting from the center working out. Sgt. doesn't believe that I would know when he does it backwards but he doesn't stray from it.
29. I've only traveled outside of the United States one time and never again will I fly cattle class for a flight that long.
30. My favorite color changes a lot.
31. I've never been on a cruise but I've made Sgt. promise he'll take me on one after he gets back from Iraq this time. If he doesn't have to deploy I still want to go.
32. I hate emptying the dishwasher. I'd much rather load it.
33. Except for when Sgt. isn't home, I never: wash my own car, mow the yard, take the trash out, feed the dog. When he is gone my car goes through the automatic car wash and I have someone come and do the yard. I do feed the dog and get the trash out to the street on trash day.
34. I very seldom wear a jacket and don't think I own anything that would be classified as a coat. It's a small sidewalk jaunt to the car, I have an hour commute to work and about 20 steps into my building so I don't really need one because I'm always inside. Besides, I'm super duper hot natured and think the perfect weather is sunny and 62. However, I do wish I had one today. It's 21* with 20mph winds. It was cold pumping gas, which is something I used to not do until I started commuting 88 miles round trip per day. Sgt. will still usually take it and fill it up on the weekends.
35. I take my shoes off as soon as I walk in the door and never wear them inside our house - not even slippers. I take my jewelry off second.
36. I can't stand to hear people suck their teeth.
37. I never ate an omelet until 1999 while we were at Disney World. I can't seem to make them and flip them in half so we have "egg mountain" at my house.
38. I remember my very first phone number.
39. I don't like dark beer, red beer or beer in green bottles. I don't really care for restaurant microbrew, either.
40. I only have 8 pictures hanging on the walls in our house. I have a phobia about holes in the wall. I have lots to hang and even special hooks that leave teensy tinsy holes but can't bring myself to do it.
41. I love the smell of ocean air.
2. The cans in my pantry are by color and type with one shelf for miscellaneous stuff.
3. All the hangers in our house are white plastic.
4. My sock drawer has been in the same location my entire life and it shook me up when Sgt. moved it.(upper right drawer of dresser and he moved it to middle left).
5. When we go to the big mall, we always park at the same store because there's always a lot of parking available and we go through the store into the mall and to the right. The last time we went, Sgt. wanted to start on the left side and it took a LONG time for me to adjust to it. (It loops around and it's 3 miles inside).
6. I love hot fudge brownie sundaes, sans the nuts.
7. I love cheese and most things cheese.
8. I don't like milk but I have to have it in my cereal but I drain the spoon for every bite.
9. I'm hooked on Cheez-Its right now.
10. I don't like tomatoes in their raw form. I will eat them in soups, chili, spaghetti sauce, etc. but not raw. I wish I did like them. In the south everyone eats tomato sandwiches in the summer and I've always wanted to but...
11. I don't like mayonnaise, which would make it hard to have the tomato sandwich. I will eat it in potato salad and the such but never on a sandwich.
12. My career is no where near what my college degree is in.
13. I'm an insomniac.
14. Weight Watchers worked for me but I'm a drop out. I've been starting over on Monday for almost 6 months now.
15. I had my tonsils out in May '06 to help with throat infections and sinus surgery so I could breath. Since then I've had 8 throat illnesses and I still can't breathe. Plus, the doctor cut my
epiglottis in half so I can't say "L" words without sounding like I have a speech impediment.
16. I own 8 pair of black pants. Oprah says they're slimming so I figure if I can't be slim, I might as well give the illusion of it.
17. I love 80s music. B0n J0vi rocks! I love the feather bangs and his too-tight pants.
18. I'm a t-shirt ho and have one from just about everywhere I've been plus the one from Iraq Sgt. bought me.
19. I can't stand it when you tell someone thank you and they reply with "Uh, huh" instead of "you're welcome."
20. I only eat red Popsicles and jello. I used to only eat red Starburst and suckers but I will eat all colors of Starburst and venture out for an apple Bl0w P0p.
21. I have no tattoos.
22. I love cookbooks and read them cover to cover like most people read a novel.
23. I'm in the process of writing a cookbook as a fundraiser with part of the proceeds going to support our troops through various organizations. Check back for details.
24. I love the beach even though I'm so pale I could glow in the dark. I went to college in a beach town and we used to schedule our classes around the sun. Ever since college I wear minimum of SPF30 and a hat. I don't have any wrinkles.
25. I decorate cakes.
26. I like fine point pens and prefer black ink over blue.
27. Being a mom is the greatest experience of my life.
28. When I eat a sandwich, the mustard has to be in a clockwise swirl starting from the center working out. Sgt. doesn't believe that I would know when he does it backwards but he doesn't stray from it.
29. I've only traveled outside of the United States one time and never again will I fly cattle class for a flight that long.
30. My favorite color changes a lot.
31. I've never been on a cruise but I've made Sgt. promise he'll take me on one after he gets back from Iraq this time. If he doesn't have to deploy I still want to go.
32. I hate emptying the dishwasher. I'd much rather load it.
33. Except for when Sgt. isn't home, I never: wash my own car, mow the yard, take the trash out, feed the dog. When he is gone my car goes through the automatic car wash and I have someone come and do the yard. I do feed the dog and get the trash out to the street on trash day.
34. I very seldom wear a jacket and don't think I own anything that would be classified as a coat. It's a small sidewalk jaunt to the car, I have an hour commute to work and about 20 steps into my building so I don't really need one because I'm always inside. Besides, I'm super duper hot natured and think the perfect weather is sunny and 62. However, I do wish I had one today. It's 21* with 20mph winds. It was cold pumping gas, which is something I used to not do until I started commuting 88 miles round trip per day. Sgt. will still usually take it and fill it up on the weekends.
35. I take my shoes off as soon as I walk in the door and never wear them inside our house - not even slippers. I take my jewelry off second.
36. I can't stand to hear people suck their teeth.
37. I never ate an omelet until 1999 while we were at Disney World. I can't seem to make them and flip them in half so we have "egg mountain" at my house.
38. I remember my very first phone number.
39. I don't like dark beer, red beer or beer in green bottles. I don't really care for restaurant microbrew, either.
40. I only have 8 pictures hanging on the walls in our house. I have a phobia about holes in the wall. I have lots to hang and even special hooks that leave teensy tinsy holes but can't bring myself to do it.
41. I love the smell of ocean air.
Weekend Wrap Up
Sgt. had drill this weekend and other than the fact it was freezing
cold in the field, he came home in a wonderful mood. He has been put
in an E6 slot and given a new job (can't remember what it is, though).
I'm proud of him. He has been with this unit since the summer and
has done a great job since he's been with them and they will put his
package together and submit it for a promotion.
cold in the field, he came home in a wonderful mood. He has been put
in an E6 slot and given a new job (can't remember what it is, though).
I'm proud of him. He has been with this unit since the summer and
has done a great job since he's been with them and they will put his
package together and submit it for a promotion.
We had a long eye to eye talk last night about happenings. They are
on high alert and three units have requested they be attached with
them. Even though a Colonel was there giving a white-picket-fence
speech, the Captain pretty much said get ready to go. It seems as
though everyone is just waiting for the call. No tears shed. Only
hugs given.
BG has the cutest little outfit of camouflage pants (they are pink and
green flowered camouflage) and she wore them to preschool Friday and
all day pointed at them and said, "Daddy" because her daddy has his
ACUs. So cute. I put them back on her yesterday and when he got home
we had a little mini-photo shoot with both of them in their uniforms.
Great pictures. Big smiles. Huge hugs. No card in the digital
camera. Needless to say, after that wasted 10 minutes, BG was done
being cute and we only got a couple of cute ones.
We went out to eat and he told me about a couple of other projects
that are in the works and asked my opinion of them. I'm supportive of
them because he is and he'll do a great job no matter what it is.
They are all great opportunities and hopefully they'll come to light
this year. Since BG was in uber toddler mode, we took her home and
let her run around and she did collapse about 7:15 and slept all the
way through the night. Yippee for me! Well, I should say I guess she
slept through the night because I didn't hear her cry so either she
did or I was just dead to the world. Sgt. and I had some quiet time
to just talk and enjoy each other's company and he started snoring
around 9:00 since he gets up around 3:30.
Glad he's home. I miss my soldier when he's gone - even for a
weekend. I missed him greatly in 2005 and I'll miss him even more
this deployment. I'm trying to keep an open mind and a good spirit.
That with prayers, we'll all make it.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
More of the same...
I've blogged for years but always with someone knowing who I am...this time it's just me and those of you who find me in one way or another.It's the best therapy I've ever done. One day posts will move on to something of more substance.
**********************
New night vision goggles have arrived at the armory. That makes two shipments of new gear/weapons that we know of; the first was new M4s. Still, no budget for uniforms so Sgt. L is still wearing his belt with a newly added notch and when they go in the field, he wears his old
Navy field jacket. He didn't want to take it but I insisted and he was glad I did; it was 18* that night. I told him if anyone gave him any lip tell them his wife said he had to wear it. :) No one gave him any lip and he didn't have to say, "My wife said so." All were happy.
He leaves tomorrow night for another weekend of combat training, which they were told in at the end of summer was their new training and for no specific reason. Those who have been around a while know that nothing happens without some type of reason, especially with the
military. His CO has been emailing the major on other issues and threw in there about a deployment. The answer was to the tune of, "I can't tell you what you already know." It seems to be some code. I'm trying not to let my guard down and we are still planning for a deployment. It's the only way I can cope.
Last night we took the front off Baby Girl's crib and turned it into a toddler bed. She was so excited to be a part of getting a brand new big girl bed with a brand new soft blanket and pillow. She climbed up between the safety rails and "practiced" going nite-nite. Sweet. It was going to be a better transition than I envisioned. Well, that lasted for all of a millisecond. Yesterday BG had her two year checkup and is weighing in at 26 pounds and 32" tall. She also got the last shots she will need until she's 4. The new nurse wouldn't let me hold her; she had her lie down with me at her head holding her down and she held down her legs and gave her the two shots. BG did VERY GOOD until the last second of the last shot and she broke out into crocodile tears. Since she was so good we scooted through a drive through and she got a Sprite - big treat for her. A few hours after we got home, the initial dose of Tylenol was wearing off and she began to show us her leg where her "boo-boo" was and at 6:00 she pretty much passed out - but only with me holding her. She did not want to be put down. Usually our bedtime routine starts at 7 pm and she's out by 7:45 or 8:00 at the latest. Every time I tried putting her down, she wailed. When I put her on her new soft bed, she turned purple and I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head she screamed so hard. So, I held her until about 8:00 and I was starving so I got us up and ate a sandwich. Sgt. came home from the gym and she was not about to have any part of her daddy...all mommy all the time; at least when she's not feeling well. I ate my sandwich, we
grabbed up her blanket and cup of water and set off for her to sleep with us in our bed. It's not something I do regularly because she is a horrible bed partner and we think she needs her own room but last night was different. She snuggled next to me and when Sgt. came out of the shower she immediately chanted for daddy. She snuggled with him until she fell asleep. It was a rough night for all of us. Usually Sgt. doesn't get up with her at night because he drives a truck during the day and has to get up at 3:30 a.m. for work but last night he did so I could sleep since I was up with her all the night before. They got up and she went potty and went right back to sleep. Sgt. is going to miss that if he gets deployed. It isn't often BG vies for Sgt.'s attention but when she does, he eats it up with all his might. He loves her. He loves her without a doubt.
When Sgt. deployed in 2005 we didn't have any children; it was us and the dog. For days the dog followed me around I thought she just missed him, because you know dogs are like that, right? Wrong. She was hungry. Sgt. fed her before we left for the airport and she eats for a couple of days and we fill her bowl back up. That's one of the 4 things that only Sgt. does and I didn't think to look at the bowl. Once I fed her she was back to her old spot in front of the living
room window admiring the world and I was vapor until it was feeding time again. I didn't forget any more. I packed his sea bag with all the things he would need for three months. He was "embarrassed" that I used a round tupperware like cake container to put the squishables (i.e. toothpaste) in and packed using the packmate bags that allowed us to put everything he needed and some plus a pillow. Come to find out, my ideas weren't all that crack pot and many others had done the same thing. He had all he needed and his squishables were still in tact. See, Sgt., you don't give me enough credit.
The day I left Sgt. at the airport was one of the hardest days of my life and they would only get worse for me. Now, worse is relative to each person and while I understand that others have more hardship than I, it was worse based on my life. My grandmother passed away 12 days
after Sgt. left for training. My mother called and told me she was not doing well and I needed to go see her. I went to the nursing home before church that night. She was laying there and had lost so much weight she was pretty much just a shell gasping for air. We had a DNR and grandma had lived a God-filled life and was satisfied within herself. At church I asked our congregation to pray for her. They did. Grandma died that night. We buried her on a Wednesday in her home church cemetery about 3 hours from our town. I drove down that
morning and back that afternoon. I stopped and bought some tulips on my way down and my mom's best friend held my had during the short graveside service. I felt as though my world had been set on it's ear. My husband was in combat training 14 hours from our home getting ready to deploy. I had no children. My mother and dad were as distraught as I was and I was empty. Ms. T. held my hand and meant it. I was glad she was there. A week after that, Sgt. found out they were leaving about 2 weeks ahead of their original date so I booked a flight, rental car and hotel room. I flew Friday night and would be able to see him for half a day on Saturday and all day Sunday and have him back to base by 5:30 Monday morning. We had the best time together. We shopped for BG and he picked out some things for her. After 41 hours of just being together, we packed up and I took him back to the base. That empty feeling was there all over again. I said good bye to his room mate and friend and we made our way back to the parking lot. Sgt. cried, which isn't something he does a lot. I cried, which is something I do often. We said our good byes and they were starting to gather for formation. He hugged me tight and told me
he loved me. As I drove off, I looked back in my rear view mirror and he was standing there waving at me and blew me a kiss. I cried all the way to the airport and sat waiting for my flight. Alone. Empty.
I got home and began the wait of all waits until I would hold my beloved in my arms again. He was able to call me for about a week after that and they were on lock down and I wouldn't hear from him until they arrived in Kuwait. Well, at 2:38 a.m. I got a call they were at their stopping point along the way. I was glad to hear his voice. It was then that the time between phone calls would be unknown. I was living my day to day life in the luxury of my home with all the comforts and he was beginning the dirtiest, hardest and most emotionally taking task of his life. He was going to war. One week later he was in a war zone.
Throughout his deployment, I often thought I had no right to be upset with him being gone. After all, I had no children to worry about and explain where daddy was and what he was doing, I was okay financially and there were so many more people in the world who had things much
worse than I did. Oh, how I missed him. I traveled to meet some e-pals while he was gone and had a wonderful Labor Day weekend jaunt. When I got ready to leave, the gal I traveled with was about to leave to adopt their child and told me, "I'm not ready for this." Yes, she was. She had journeyed for a year to get to the point she was at and she was ready. She was ready because her husband was home to meet her at the airport and one week later they would board a flight to end the greatest journey of a lifetime; bring their daughter home. Me? I did okay through most of the flight. Because it was a holiday weekend, the airport had opened an extra over-flow lot and I got off in the wrong lot. Smart. I always park in the same area so I don't make that mistake but didn't this time and my mind was flooded so I just.could.not.remember. It is one of the lots you can't get out of unless you are a vehicle and the gate slides. No way out and there wasn't another shuttle coming my way. A nice old couple picked me up and took me to my lot. I couldn't find my car. I wandered and wandered. I was pushing the panic button but nothing happened so I couldn't follow the sound. A pilot stopped and offered to help me. No, thank you. I walked two more aisles and there it was. The car I bought the day their hooch got hit by a rocket. I sat and cried in the parking lot. I cried down the interstate and I called my mom. I didn't want to go home to an empty house. I simply didn't want to do it. But, I didn't want to drive the extra hour to my mom's house, either. So, I picked up the dog at the kennel and went home and cried by myself.
214 days after he stepped foot onto foreign soil, he stepped foot back on U.S. soil. I stood in a tropical storm, front and center, with my poncho, a borrowed umbrella and American flag. 5 1/2 hours later the lights of the plane broke through the gray rain clouds and landed. What a glorious day it was. My husband was home. He was home safe. There were no losses. Some were injured but none died. That was the most glorious of all.
I made many friends that day standing in the rain. Not friends I've talked to again or even email with but women who "knew" me and my life. They knew exactly what I had felt and for the first time I felt validated. It took almost a year to give me the comfort in knowing it was okay to have my feelings and it took 16 strangers to do it. Thank you, ladies.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Rambling on and on and on...
I'm sitting here listening to my husband snore and my toddler has fallen asleep to Elmo. I really should be napping, too, but for some reason I just can't. We went and had baby girl's two year old portraits done today and her daddy knew better than to think we would walk out with the $9.95 package. Well, we got it but along with another $130 to go with it. After sticker shock, a trip to Gymboree to use my Gymbucks and a quick pass through a couple of other stores, we made our way home singing out loud to keep BG up and not nap in the car. We got home, threw in Elmo and I left her to go to sleep so I could do the same but I'm here.
Every day I Google looking for more information on troops that will be deploying to Iraq and it's always the same information and the link is highlighted purple so I know I've been there already. Hubs' guard unit is attached to an active duty unit that was already scheduled to deploy in May. Those guys know but his unit doesn't. Makes me wonder. His was one of the first to go in 2003 and now are hanging on to see if they'll go back now. There is one guy in his unit who has been talking to the Chaplain a lot lately. His wife is a crackhead and he has filed for divorce. It is her 2nd or 3d time through rehab and he just couldn't take it anymore. He has three kids 11, 7 and 2 and she just recently signed over custody to him. The two year old was their surprise baby when he came home from Iraq last time. He's wondering if he should file for hardship. He doesn't have anyone to care for his kids and is worried that everything he has left will crumble around him but he also wants to serve his country with his fellow soldiers. My heart breaks for him. I've offered to have his kids come to our house or us go to his so he can get a haircut, go have a beer or do whatever it is he needs to do by himself. What else can I offer to do? I wish there was more. His 2 year old could play with mine. I could entertain his 7 year old but his 11 year old I'm not sure about. She's had a tough time with her situation and has started to lash out and it wears him out and understandably.
No matter how hard I think I have it, there is someone who always has it worse. I recently read a blog about Perspective written by a milspouse and it touched me greatly. In it she referenced that she pulled perspective from a good friend who became a widow when her husband was killed in Fallujah. Wow. I've known people to die but I've never known anyone super close to me who has. The closest is an aunt who lives in Alaska whose husband committed suicide 10 years ago. But, I was in my 20's, she was in Alaska and I didn't know him all that well. His memorial service was the same weekend of my wedding. I wasn't sure how to react/respond. I knew my heart broke for her and it broke greatly. Since then, everyone has moved on and she hasremarried, etc.
I often wonder how I would react if I got that dreadful visit from the Army. I often dream about it and wonder who I would call first. What would I say? Would I make them go next door to get my neighbor so I didn't have to hear it alone? Would I call my mother who lives and hour away and tell her to get over now and make them sit in the driveway until she got here? I know I shouldn't have the thoughts but I do. It's a fact if he goes back to Iraq it could happen. There are over 3000 other families whose loved ones have met their maker and my heart aches for them. The first time Hubs got ready to come home, he sent his footlockers with some of his belongings and I sat on the front porch and cried as hard as I think I have ever cried. It was the first step in him coming home but there were so many other families who were getting the footlocker but there would be no welcome home ceremony to attend. It's sad. It's heartbreaking. I believe in my husband and all our troops. I often get asked if I support the war. It doesn't matter what I think. There are more people who know what is going on than me and it's so easy to be an armchair quarterback. I think it would be a huge mistake to pull out now and I think that is the reality of it. It's a sacrifice. It's a hard sacrifice to make. Hubs is a reservist. He re-enlisted in August with the full understanding of the possibility of a second tour, possibly a third before it is all over. But, I'm a worrier and it's what I do best, I think. I guess it's a good thing worry doesn't cause hair to grey otherwise I'd be white all over.
I guess enough rambling and incomplete thoughts for now...I'm going to snuggle next to Hubs and catch a couple of winks before BG wakes from her nap.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
When vs. If
We are preparing for when vs. if. It seems to be the best way to
handle the possiblity of a redeployment. Some say it's premature to
begin to worry but it's not them who are having to deal with it. So,
kindly keep all negative words and comments away from me and my
family. You do what you have to do, we'll do what we have to do.
handle the possiblity of a redeployment. Some say it's premature to
begin to worry but it's not them who are having to deal with it. So,
kindly keep all negative words and comments away from me and my
family. You do what you have to do, we'll do what we have to do.
Hubs has an active duty friend who has heard that the brigade will be
called. Yes, it's still kind of early. Yes, it's still speculation.
Unfortunately, too many rumors that fly like that tend to end up
truths. Besides, it was leaked several months back to all the
newspapers and the higher ups back pedaled to try and dispel it. It
doesn't get leaked if it hasn't been talked about.
New weapons arrived at the armory this week. Budget empty for new
uniforms but shiny new weapons arrived.
I will pray and I will pray hard.
God keep them in your hands and give them the strength, courage and
knowledge to take care of one another to finish their task and come
home safe. All of them.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Shipping Out
Last nite Sgt. L got an IM from a buddy who was in the reserves with him and found out that there were several from his old unit who had been recalled for active duty. To back up a little, Sgt. L used to be part of the Navy Reserves and is now with the National Guard. His tour in Iraq last year was with the Navy; he and three others were picked from his unit and assigned to another unit. Now they are cherry picking from the Navy unit for deployment. In our heart of hearts we know if he was still there a second deployment would definitely be underway for us. We wish all of them well as they embark upon this journey. We pray their tour is successful and all will return home safely and quickly.
Godspeed.
Godspeed.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Inevitable?
We survived one deployment to Iraq. It was just the dog and me at home. We were lucky...it was only a 9 month tour and all was well. Is there another one looming in our future? What is our new congress going to do? Go big? Go longer? Go home? Rumors abound. There is no word that he is going. There is no word that he's not going. We're just preparing. Best case scenario is the "honey-do" list will be done. Worst case scenario is the never ending worry between phone calls. Now we have our beautiful little girl with her big brown eyes and little pig tails. His biggest concern is that she isn't going to remember her daddy when he gets home. It may be premature to worry about it now but since the seed has been planted, it's time to work on the garden a little, so to speak. She is going to be 2 soon and I try encourage him by telling him that if/when the deployment comes about, and while he's gone, she will turn 3 and be old enough to know that when she looks at his picture that he is her daddy and he loves her and will be home soon. However, she won't be old enough to know how long "soon" could actually be.
People have always told me I wear a brave face. I do - but only in public. No one saw the tears as I made my commute to and from work. No one knows that I kept something on his side of the bed to put my feet under like I do his legs when he's there with me. Very few know me well enough to know I cry when I hear The Star Spangled Banner and other songs that praise our country. No one knows how much it hurts my heart to hear someone either bashing our military or the mission they are on. Yes, our spouses, family members, loved ones and friends VOLUNTEERED for our military service. Yes, one should know that with that volunteer of service as a career or as a reservist the possibility of deployment or becoming called is there and anyone who doesn't think it could happen to them is viewing life through rose colored glasses. Our military is a volunteer military and every single person should be proud of the jobs the men and women of our country do. The one thing I learned with his first deployment is that you can't see very much from the cheap seats, which is where we all are. Until you've walked a day in a soldier's boots through the sand in 130* + temperatures, you just don't know and, quite frankly, our opinions are just that - opinions. Opinions made on what the media reports. I don't give my opinion of the war one way or the other. I do, however, support my husband, his comrades and all that they stand for. That is what makes me a good wife, a good mother and a good American.
People have always told me I wear a brave face. I do - but only in public. No one saw the tears as I made my commute to and from work. No one knows that I kept something on his side of the bed to put my feet under like I do his legs when he's there with me. Very few know me well enough to know I cry when I hear The Star Spangled Banner and other songs that praise our country. No one knows how much it hurts my heart to hear someone either bashing our military or the mission they are on. Yes, our spouses, family members, loved ones and friends VOLUNTEERED for our military service. Yes, one should know that with that volunteer of service as a career or as a reservist the possibility of deployment or becoming called is there and anyone who doesn't think it could happen to them is viewing life through rose colored glasses. Our military is a volunteer military and every single person should be proud of the jobs the men and women of our country do. The one thing I learned with his first deployment is that you can't see very much from the cheap seats, which is where we all are. Until you've walked a day in a soldier's boots through the sand in 130* + temperatures, you just don't know and, quite frankly, our opinions are just that - opinions. Opinions made on what the media reports. I don't give my opinion of the war one way or the other. I do, however, support my husband, his comrades and all that they stand for. That is what makes me a good wife, a good mother and a good American.
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