The past few days...

Wednesday:

CPL Joshua Blaney returned home today in a flag draped coffin. Tomorrow, Fed Ex will deliver 5 Gold Star Service Banners to my office to be presented to CPL Blaney’s family at his funeral on Friday. I was not able to be at the airport when this hero returned home but tomorrow night I will be at a funeral home paying respects to a family whom I’ve never met. It seems no matter what we do, it simply will not be enough as this family is dealing with most ultimate sacrifice of freedom. I’m the only spouse in BSM-NC and while I don’t know the heartache of sending a child to war, only my husband and best friend, my heart aches no less for their loss. I’ve found that the ties that bind us to our military families are just as strong as those that bind us to our immediate families, sometimes stronger, and our job as family is to stand tall for those who stand for us and even taller for those who have paid the ultimate price for our freedom.

In the coming weeks, I will also be working with another BSM to put together a condolence/memory book for this hero’s family. There are no politics to be discussed, no opposition to express…simply remembering a Soldier who died for what he believed in.

SSG Michael Gabel was with CPL Blaney when their vehicle was blown up by an IED. SSG Gabel gave the eulogy for his best friend at a memorial service that honored three men who lost their lives in October.

”I will not be bitter,” Gabel said. “I will not shed any tears of sorrow. I’m proud to have known such a good man and a warrior to the bitter end. Until we see each other again, sky soldiers!”

There will be similar words spoken for both these heroes in the coming days.

I lift these families, immediate and extended, in prayer.

About Thursday night:

Last night I visited the funeral home for Cpl. Blaney. It just so happened that P and I got there at the same time and after shaking hands with some of the PGR, we made our way into the funeral home.

Meeting his mother was heart wrenching for me; hugging her and seeing the sadness behind her eyes. We hugged and shook hands with the family and, despite their grief, every.single.one.of.them thanked BSMs for the support. They took the extra time to tell us how much they appreciate everything that has been done and the thoughts and prayers. Some had never heard of BSMs and P shared with them the history. We met P., the BSM from CA and her daughter, A., who is also in the Army. It was nice talking with her and she, too, expressed sincere gratitude.

There were quite a few people there, most Josh's age, and, as I walked around, I was listening to them share stories and memories of Josh. There were many tears shed for this Soldier but there was also laughter.

I've never seen a flag draped coffin in person nor have I seen the Battle Cross in person. My heart literally dropped to the pit of my stomach as we rounded into the next room and I saw it. Very moving and very surreal.

I sent an email to the Mayor of Matthews this week asking if he would kindly send a condolence for the book we will be assembling; he chose to send a letter directly to the family but he sent my information to a community newspaper. They had recently done an article on the BSMs and she will be forwarding it to me and when I receive it, I'll share with you all. She, too, thanked us for the things we do.

Here is the email she sent to me and my reply to her:

Mrs. L.,

Your work on behalf of the Blue Star mothers is a wonderful thing. My
husband and I own the community newspaper and we're
putting a story in this week's edition on Josh. Mayor M has directed
the town to fly their flags at half-mast. He forwarded this note to me.
Is there anything we can do to help out the Blue Star mothers?

Let us know -

ps We did a story on the history of the Blue Stars a few weeks ago and
would be happy to send you a copy. Thanks again for what you do.

Kindly,
J.D.

J:

While your words are kind, it is the absolute least we can do to support our heroes and honor one of our fallen heroes. It seems no matter what we do, it simply will not be enough as this family is dealing with most ultimate sacrifice of freedom. I'm the only spouse in BSM-NC and, while I don't know the heartache of sending a child to war, only my husband and best friend, my heart aches no less for their loss. I've found that the ties that bind us to our military families are just as strong as those that bind us to our immediate families, sometimes stronger, and our job as family is to stand tall for those who stand for us and even taller for those who have paid the ultimate price for our freedom.

I know no truer words to speak than those above.

You moms (and the dads) are amazing and the love you hold for your children is the most intense love I've ever witnessed and I see where your strength and endurance comes from. My mother told me while we were waiting for BG's referral, "You will never know true love until you have a child." She was one million percent right. Even though BG is only 3 and her accomplishments are limited to potty training, colors, shapes, alphabet, etc. I'm proud of her. Each time we hit a new milestone in our lives, it supersedes the one before it. I know the pride I have for Sgt. as my spouse and how my heart swells (and skips two beats :) ) when I see him in his uniform so I can only imagine what you all feel for your children.

As I remember this family in prayer, I also pray that none of you have to experience this.

About Friday:

When I was growing up, my grandmother always said that if it was raining on the day of a funeral it was God’s blessing. However, she also said if it was sunny on the day of a funeral it was God’s blessing. Yesterday morning it rained. When I walked out my front door and felt the first drops on me, I smiled; God was going to bless us today.

As I pulled into the church parking lot, I smiled again; the Patriot Guard Riders were standing in the cold, windy mist with their flags. Some had hats and gloves others held cups of coffee to keep their hands warm. I hugged some, shook some hands and thanked them. They thanked me. There was absolutely no reason to thank me and Biker B. said there was, “For all you do,” with You being BSM collectively. It was the same reason I thanked them.

There were two friends who spoke; one from his childhood and the other from his service. Both told stories that made everyone give a chuckle and as we watched the backs of the heads of those in front of us nodding, we knew they were all remembering the good times. We always hear the stories about bonds of brotherhood, but it’s typically in general conversation. Yesterday that bond was so evident. The point at which it sank in for me was when his best friend, who also serves in the Army, said it through tears; he called him a brother and said he loved him. The words of his other friend that stood out to me were when he said the mission was successful. He described a mission being successful when you leave on a mission you, you want to make sure your men return; Josh’s men returned. He also described the mission as being successful when you return; Josh returned home.

At the cemetery it was quiet except for the sounds of muffled sobs as the pastor read his words. It was cold and windy at times. Although I knew it was coming, the 21 gun salute caused me to jump with each round. There was an Army officer to my left, about 1-1/2 steps behind me, standing at attention and as that first round was fired, a tear rolled down his cheek. They also flew a helicopter over. Watching as the flag was folded and presented to his parents, we knew the end of the service was drawing near. The pastor quoted Joseph Campbell in his message at the church , “A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.” I always remember a quote by Karl von Clausewitz, “Courage, above all things, is the first quality of a warrior.” This young man held so many titles: son, brother, friend, Soldier, warrior, Hero. He was courageous in his service and duty and is a true Hero who was loved by so many and remembered by so many more. He now lays to rest at the foot of his grandmother’s grave.

Very humbling.

*******

Last night over dinner, I needed Sgt. to talk to me. I needed him to tell me things that he normally wouldn’t talk about with me, mainly the pretty much unspoken bond he shares with his soldiers. He isn’t one who discusses his feelings openly and sometimes not even when I ask. As I told him about the remarks from the funeral, I asked was it “true.” We hear about that bond but is it something that is really felt deep within. While it sounds like an odd question, I needed to hear his answer. The times I see With his Soldiers/friends are social situations with laughing, cutting up and annoying boy habits. And his answer was simple, “Yes. Those you train with, work with and fight with are your brothers. When you leave on a mission your goal is to bring them home. His friend was right, their mission was successful; everyone came home.” My Soldier’s voice was hushed as he spoke those words, whether he intended it to be or not. I told him that even though they are human, we have this image of Soldiers (Marines, Airmen, etc., too) being so strong and unwavering and it was hard watching these Soldiers shed tears. We all shed them.

"Duty"

I am the only spouse in my state's Blue Star Mothers group. When I joined a year ago, there were approximately 10 members. We are now 80+ with three chartered chapters and two on the way. Not bad for a year's time. As an associate member, I can't hold office or anything like that but I can support. I rallied for a chapter closer to my house because I, and others, were driving 3 hours for a meeting. I found a mom who's pretty close to me and we made it happen. Our first meeting had the 5 we needed to have a chapter and since then we've grown another 10.

Today I was sent an email about a fallen hero from my area; his home of record is near me and his parents are not too far, just across the state line. This hero was in her son's unit until about 6 weeks ago when he and some others were transferred to another unit. He was killed by an IED in Afghanistan. The mom who contacted me has been friends with the hero's mom for the three years since their sons became part of the same unit and have provided support for each other numerous times.

I was contacted to ask did I receive any kind of notification of his death and did I know any arrangements. No, I didn't. I did get the DOD notification and there was a small blurb in the paper where his parents live. I started working on it, though. Actually, a member from another chapter in my state sent me contact names for the PGR who may know something but we're waiting to see where the hero will come home to. He was my neighbor by locale and family by military. I never knew this hero and I don't know his family. I feel helpless. The other mom is flying in from California and is hoping to meet this young CPL when he returns home. I offered to help her find a hotel room, give recommendations or whatever I can. I didn't know what else to say. I told her to pass along my phone number, etc. to anyone who may have a need for it. I didn't know what else to say. This mom got choked up on the phone because her dear friend is grieving terribly. She didn't have the words to finish. I simply told her it was okay. I understood. But, to be honest, I don't. I'm a spouse. I'm not a mom.

My BSM group will be doing the condolence book for this fallen hero. I presented one back in the spring but I've never worked making one. I have begun gathering the materials and the other mom in my group is putting the word out requesting condolences. As a BSM, I've done the cheery: care packages, letters, passing out cards, etc. This is totally new territory for me. I will give my best. I will do my best. My commitment to our brothers and sisters, as well as their families, is unwavering support and to do my best. I hope as I step up to this new layer of duty for a fallen hero I won't fail.

Please keep the family of CPL Joshua Blaney in your thoughts and prayers. By family I mean immediate as well as his brothers and sisters in arms. We pray God will bless them and keep them in his care.

Good night.

The Greatest Love of All

Went to a Gold Star ceremony today with my local Blue Star Mothers group honoring fallen heroes from the western part our state. It was my first and it was very humbling, to say the least. BG went with me since Sgt. had drill and did really well. Most of the BSMs in my state are nice. Some have personalities that are waaay less than desirable but we manage. One of the mothers honored lost her son in Vietnam. The most recent was killed in July. The Patriot Guard Riders were there as escorts for us and they are one of the the most incredible groups I have ever had the honor of working with. We swapped stories, business cards, hugs and tears. BG had to sit on my lap during the service and during one really emotional time for me, she told me what I tell her when she's upset, "Hold me tight and love me much. It will be okay." BG will be 3 in January and I swear she holds more wisdom than a lot of grown ups I know. Then she followed up with, "Here's a tissue. Wipe it up." She DOES listen. Woo hoo!

About 25 miles or so into my trip, I got a call from a BSM telling me that the hotel had my purse! Apparently in all the rushing and scrambling this morning I left it but the front desk girl knew we were all together as we had been there all weekend. So, I turned around to go back to get it. Of course, the money is gone...it was about $130 and is what BG knows as my "soldier money" because we use it for shipping packages, buying goodies, etc. I was pissed off because I know in my heart of hearts it was a member of the girl's soccer team huddling in the lobby who took it; they were the only ones there when we left and the front desk girl said we were only gone about 10 min when they brought it up to the counter. My purse, wallet, etc. are worth more than the money gone but principal of it chaps me. But, it was my stupidity and I've quit kicking myself. All else is okay and we went on our way. Since I was upset, I called my mom and told her about the "soldier money" and when I hung up BG asked me what happened to soldier money and I told her, as best I could to a 3 yr. old, that someone took it. She asked could we get more and I laughed and told her yes. Then the next words out of her mouth floored me. "It's okay mommy. I help you get more." I do some contract work from home and when Sgt. came home from drill, BG met him at the door and when he asked where I was she told him, "Shhh. Be quiet daddy. Mommy making soldier money and I helping. Come see." She showed him the pictures she had been coloring while I worked.

I love my kid. I love my kid more than the next breath I'll take. I waited a long time to be a mom and worked my tushie off to become one. She was 13 months old when we adopted her and was functioning on about a 8 month old level. I've watched her transform into the most amazing child and she never ceases to amaze me. Now, we have our moments...the 2s aren't gone and the 3s are settling in fast. But she has learned compassion. I know she doesn't comprehend it but two times when I needed some love the most, my almost 3 year old gave it to me. It feels good. No, it feels GREAT. Every night I tell her I promise to be a better mommy tomorrow than I was today. Every night she tells me she loves me bunches and turns her hands back to back to show me "bunches."

On the way to dinner, Sgt. told me what we thought was our "pre-alert" call was in fact our second notice. The first was in April. "Word" around the block is get it together...could be tomorrow could be another several months. His 1SG was heavily persuaded to sign his re-enlistment package because his contract will be up during the deployment. Sgt. wouldn't tell me when that was. Too tired to beat it out of him tonite :)

I'm tired tonight and my eyes are speaking volumes as to just how much. However, I got a dose of the greatest love of all...BG reminds me that there is glimmer and hope in almost everything and that no matter how many times you open that empty box, there is something new and exciting just waiting for you. Embrace it.

Good night my friends. Rest well.

Brothers and Sisters need our prayers

*UPDATED 10-17-07*

I have heard from our soldier and they are fine. His email was very short and simply read, "We're fine. We're fighting the fight. Will write more later. Thanks for caring." Oh, the Greenies that will go out in bulk for these boys. Oh, yeah...something for the handlers, too...probably beef jerky with a lot of love!

**********************************

We have an adopted soldier at Camp Vict0ry, which came under rocket or mortar attack that killed 2 and wounded 40. Please say a prayer, offer up good wishes or whatever you can for these fallen heroes, their comrades, families and all affected by this. It's going to be a looonng 10 days or so until I can find out if they are okay with communications shut down.

Thanks.

Humbled

I have a platoon I've been sending things to here and there just to make sure they know they are thought of. This morning I had an email from the Major, who pops in from time to time in my email box. He sent me this picture of the 2 yr. old niece of one of their contacts. The first thing I saw were her big, gorgeous brown eyes and then as my eyes scanned the rest of the picture, I saw how dirty her little face is and how worn her clothes and her poor dolly are. We take so much for granted and BG has so many toys and clothes and I'm constantly looking for new things for her and not always because she needs them. I've found out they see their contact at least once a week and today I'm sending a box of goodies and some warm clothes for winter to this sweet, sweet girl.

I thanked the Major for sending me her picture and it's times like this that remind me exactly how blessed we are. I think sometimes we get caught up in saying it but we don't always realize just how true it is.